sadness had come back

yesterday i had a dream...i dream he hug me up like he use to be..i miss him so much..I'm not sure how long our relation will carry on..i just wanna appreciate the time we had..but i cant do it..he is trying to protect it but I'm like destroying our relation..he asked me a question yesterday..izit i wanna break up with him..i told him i don't want any break up..i know I've hurt his feeling that moment..what can i do..recently i had a very bad headache..i just wish that i got brain cancer..so that i can die just like that..i don't wanna hurt anyone anymore..i wanted to love him more..but i know i wont have the chance anymore..he started giving up..i wish he can find someone better than me..i don't have any idea anymore..i just cant say those two words..every time i think of it my heart like been cut by a knife..damn pain..someone teach me what to do..